I got to thinking this morning about my life and where it has been, where it looks like it might be going, and where I though it would be. I guess it’s because I’m bordering one of those milestone birthdays (the big three-O), but I’m in one of those self-assesment moods. I’m certainly not where I though I would be 15 years ago, but I’ve exceeded even my own expectations from just 10 years ago.

People that wake up happy freak me out. I know maybe three people that either have no idea that the majority of us are going through challenges and battling demons of differing severities, or really don’t have anything bad in their life even though they see it around them. I can’t see that view on life as a persistent state though I wish them the best at staying there. For the rest of us however, what is your birds-eye view of life looking like?

Chris and I have been through some horrible states. After losing Grace the world could not get any darker. Granted, time has moved more and more daily struggles in between to cloud the immediacy of that anger and grief, but we are still impacted by it during each of our days. Beyond that, I have my college career that has certainly been completed, but in 2003 rather than the 1998 that I should have seen under traditional methodologies. That will always stick with me. Where would I be if I would have just powered through that section of life rather than succombing to the “I don’t like this” urges?

There are certainly things that are part of who I am today that I would have preferred to leave out, but is that the reason that I actually appreciate where I am now? I wish I was making more money, or had some fancy title with lots of letters in it, but I’m only (fast-approaching) 30 years old. I have some extraordinarily deep coronary scars from the loss of Grace, but I appreciate Elliot that much more because of our loss. Chris and I have been through some horrible times, but I can’t imagine making it through without each other. So, overall, yes. I am happy with my life. It isn’t the life that I would have picked off of the shelf, and there are still pieces that I would prefer to see differently, but I still like where I am. I want to continue to grow and hopefully start getting some more of the fun activities squeezed into my days, but I’m still pretty happy. You usually wouldn’t know it by talking with me, but I’m doing ok.

How about you? Are you happy with your life? Have you bothered to try to figure it out? What would you change? Can you change those things? Do you even care to?